If you see a wolf in your dreams, they symbolize solitude, self-confidence and pride. And, you're able to keep your composure in a variety of social situations and can blend in with any situation with ease and grace. One is usually a loner by choice. If the wolf is white, then it signifies valor and victory. Which means, you have the ability to see the light even in your darkest hours. (Edited from http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080526075453AACgtxw)
As I stand before the crossroads, I am wondering where am I going with my life as a hero and as a person. I am afraid to choose one of the three paths that appears to want to lead me on an unknown journey of unanswered questions. There's a path located to my left, a path directly in front of me, and a path to my right. Neither of the paths showed signs indicating the destinations of those paths that lies ahead for me. Fate sometimes have a funny way of making the choices that we dare not wish to make if we hesitate in thought about something. And, I see that I was of no exception to this phenomenon.
Walking out of the mist of the path to my left was a young white wolf pup. The wolf pup walks up to my left shoe. And, the wolf pup began tugging on my shoe until I figured out that I needed to follow it into the mist of the left path. As I entered into the fog, I began to see different images in my mind that consisted of every fight that I have lost and won in reverse chronological order of my life. The images finally stopped at the very first fight that I experienced which occurred in the first grade. I wondered to myself, "Why was I brought to this time in my life?" I felt as if I was watching the fight from a third person perspective during this experience.
With this experience I was a chunky kid back in the first grade. I recalled my friends calling me "Baby Huey" back in those days because of my abnormal size. I was bigger than the other first graders in my class. And, I was usually picked on by the other first graders because I would never fight back. During one of our school lunch periods, I observed one of the first graders walking over to me to pick a fight. The more that first grader kept pushing on me, the more the other first graders were urging that kid to keep picking on me. That first grader became more and more forceful while pushing on me. I kept trying to keep from getting in a fight with that kid. But, that first grader would not leave me alone. I did not know how to fight during those days. Why did this kid pick on me? I never done anything mean to him.
I remembered being twice the size of that nully. As the other first graders were yelling out loud, "fight, fight, fight..", I kept trying to ask the first grader to stop picking on me. I was also wondering where were my teachers at this time? Why did anyone come to my rescue? When that first grader began punching on me, his punches began to hurt me. I observed that no one was coming to my rescue. I was too scared to yell for help, I could not walk any further away from that first grader that was still hitting on me. That moment in time felt like forever with that first grader picking on me. It did not look like no one was going to stop that first grader from beating me up. I felt all alone. I did not know what to do to get out of this fight with that first grader. All of a sudden, I punched that kid in his stomach with all my might. And, the first grader stopped punching on me. The first grader began grabbing his stomach as if he was in a lot of pain. And, the first grader began crying as if he was hurting in a lot of pain.
I recalled the yelling from the other first graders stopped. And, the teachers finally came out to investigate the playground commotions. After the teachers listened to how the first grader became injured, they took him to the nurse for further examination. Surprisingly, I did not get in trouble for hitting that first grader because I did not start the fight. And, the teachers knew I was not the type of child to hurt my classmates on purpose. The teachers decided to not report the incident to my mother. They wrote my fight incident with that first graders off as "boys being boys". From that day forward, I was no longer being picked on by any of the other first graders. In an instant, I was pulled out of that experience the first grader. I was standing in a dark room with a lone overhead light shining down on me. I could not see the wolf pup. And, I could not see no further beyond the area of the light that was surrounding me.
Then, a voice out of the darkness asked me a question, "Why did you punched that first grader in the stomach?" I could not tell where the voice was directly coming from t me. The voice asked me the same question but much louder, "Why did you punch that first grader in the stomach!?!" I replied while covering my ears from that loud question, "I don't know why I did it. It was too long ago to try to remember why I punched that kid in the stomach." The voice sounded even louder, "WHY DID YOU PUNCH THAT FIRST GRADER IN THE STOMACH!?!" I quickly shouted back, "I WAS SCARED OF THAT KID. YOU SAW IT, TOO. THE KID WAS HURTING ME. NO WAS COMING TO STOP THAT KID FROM HURTING ME. I DON'T KNOW WHY I HIT THAT KID. I DON'T KNOW WHY I HIT THAT KID IN HIS STOMACH!!!"
The voice replied, "Stop lying. You know why you hit that first grader in his stomach. You knew that if you hit the first grader in the stomach. That he will stop hitting you. Right?" I replied, "No! That's not true! I did not want to hurt that kid! I was bigger than him. But, he would not stop hitting on me! I don't know why I hit that kid in his stomach! It was too long ago to remember such things!". The voice responded, "Admit it! IT felt good hitting that kid! IT felt good to win that fight! IT felt good being able to hit that kid with all your might. IT felt good not getting into trouble for hitting that first grader!!!" I could not respond to what the voice just said. I could not defend myself against what the voice said because he explained exactly what I was feeling when I hit that first grader in his stomach.
I finally told the voice, "I felt that the kid did not expect me to hit him in the stomach, which he was not guarding the whole time he was punching on me! I knew he will stop hitting me if I hurt him even more! I was so angry at that kid for picking on me! And, I wanted the fight with that first grader to end! So, I struck that damn first grader in his stomach! And, it felt good when I let all of my anger out on that kid! But, I did not know that I would hurt that kid that bad. I did not mean to hurt that kid that bad!" The voice responded, "This is the first time you were finally honest with yourself over that bad incident."
The voice continued, "Sometimes, things happen for a reason. You had one of two choices with that first grader bullying you. Either you could have let the kid beat you up everyday in front of your classmates. Or, you show that first grader and everyone else in you first grade class what will happen to them if they ever decide to pick on you in the future." Fate was not going to let you take the first choice. Fate has a plan for you, young man. And, the first grader that picked the fight with you was only one piece of a large tutorial and development of your future fighting skills. "The ability to search for a weakness in your opponents and attack that weakness". Every good hero must come to develop this fighting ability. And, if refined, you can eventually use this fighting ability to also out think your opponents in strategies of the minds. You may have already used this ability during many of your life challenges, thus far, my friend." I heard this voice somewhere before.
So, I asked the voice, "How do you know me? Who are you? What is the point of me being here? What do you mean by my fighting ability?" The voice did not respond. I yelled out to the voice, "Answer me!!!" In a quick flash, I am standing next to the same wolf pup. And, the wolf pup began to pull me further into the mist of this unknown journey...
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment